Chapter 1

“Wake up dude.” “LAKE WAKE THE HELL UP MAN.” Zaq yelled. “shit… did i fall asleep again?” I mumbeled. “Yeah man you’ve been doing that a lot lately, boss isn’t taking it lightly anymore. Screw him im leaving tomorrow anyway. I mean i guess, hey so you ready? Hell Yeah man. College…feels like i’ve been waiting for this day forever. Shit i have . Yeah well you know this is a huge step in life man. Zaq don’t give me that “remember your priorities” crap right now. I just need to get drunk and drunk…and even more drunk. Yeah well you speak to Dallas?How’s she taking you leaving? I dont know man. I tried calling her yesterday after work she didn’t pick up. Im going to see her when my shifts up. Well look at that Lake you are officially a free man. Call me later alright Ill come help you finish packing. Alright bro. Catch you later. Why has Dallas been avoiding me? Ill just drop in for a surprise visit…. Well her car is here. I hope shes here too. Damn i forgot how annoying her mom can get. Always asking me so many questions. lake said in his head as he approached the front door. Hey Mrs.Thompson Is Dallas here? Hello Lake hows everything ? Its good Im just looking for Dallas have you seen her? Oh yes yes shes up stairs . DALLAS LAKE IS HERE! oh connor stop yelling in the house you know i have bad nerves. DALLAS YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HERE!!!! Connor cut it out and go to your room. Sorry mom just trying to help. Sup Lake. Sup Conman. Hows your summer going little dude? Its alright i start highschool next week. Im pretty stoked. Alright man. You better play baseball so I can come and support. You know I’m a LAX man Lake. Eh well thats cool too. Hey where is Dallas? Shes upstairs I’ll go bang on her door. No its cool buddy I’ll go up stairs. Wow i forgot how huge this house was but Dallas’ room is unforgettable. Her door is hot pink with a “ perfect little angel” sign on the outside. Hey open up Dallas Its lake. Come in… I opened the door expecting a huge hug. She was just sitting on her bed. She looked out of it. Hey there… why havent you answered my calls… She was silent. Dallas! the silent treatment? really? the day before I lea… – I know you are leaving Lake you dont have to remind me. Whoa , I was startled a little bit. Well yeah… I wanted to talk to you before it was time to head off. i’m leaving right after I get my paycheck. Lake , do you even know what its like? I was a little confused… Lake do you know what its like to have the guy you devoted all your time to up and leave like everything is fine. Dallas I thought you were happy I was going away to school… Whats wrong now? Whats wrong? LAKE YOU ARE LEAVING TOMORROW I WONT SEE YOU FOR MONTHS AT A TIME! I don’t think I can do this. Do what? Dallas we planned everything out you can come visit Ill be here on Holidays It will work out. No it wont…you’ll go to college find someone prettier than me. Someone smarter than me probably a chick trying to be LAWYER. Im stuck here. working at my families ski resort. Going to Community College. ugh We are so different. So what! I spent the last 2 years of my life with you Dallas. You trying to tell me that Ill throw all that away? Dallas I love you. I love you too Lake but I dont think we can survive not being around.I have a feeling. Ive felt this way for a while now. Lake i think we should just go our separate ways… Are you serious right now? Its the only thing that makes sense. Youll have your freedom. You wont be tied down to me while you are away you can enjoy yourself.. I dont want to ENJOY MYSELF… i mean i do but – listen Lake I made up my mind. Its over. Now either you can come here and kiss me for the last time or you can leave and not say another word to me. Dallas I…. – just shut the hell up and kiss me Lake. Yeah man she was just like Its over. Wow man Im sorry. I didn’t see that one coming. Me either Zaq. I feel like theres something more behind it. Well I dont know what to tell you. Maybe shes just going through it man. Probably. Hey hows that girl you’re seeing whats her name again? Audrey ? Shes good. We’re leaving tomorrow super early. California here we come. It’s insane how we are going to be on separate sides of the world. Country Lake dont take it that serious. zaq punched me on the arm. Im going to miss you man. We grew up together since diapers. I know. I said with a little wariness We are getting old aren’t we? Zaq replied Yeah man. Alright enough with the sappy crap Lake lets finish packing. Alright cool.

I couldn’t sleep all night. Probably from the mix of redbull and pizza zaq and I devoured packing our stuff for college. Today’s the big day.I cannot wait to leave this craphole of a town. LAKE COME HERE your dad and I want to tell you something” Mom called from the kitchen. “im coming. “ Hey guys whats up?” “now dear we know you are going away to college and you are getting older. But there are some things we need to tell you.” “Come on mom I know , Dont drink or do drugs, be responsible I know” “Yes that and -” “and thats it Lake. We don’t want to hear any stories about you passing away just be responsible buddy” dad said. “ I know pops you guys raised a responsible kid, got a job at 15 and been working ever since. I can take care of myself guys, Dont worry.” “We know Lake we just-” Hey Zaq Audrey and I are going to grab some smoothies I’ll be back in a few before we take off” I cut my mom off. I hated those talks and needed to get out of there fast before it got all emotionally smoggy in there. “Ok buddy you better be back to say bye to us” “I will dad don’t worry, later guys” I ran out the door as fast as I could. “ Now John why didn’t you let me tell the boy about the you know, changes he’s going to go through” “Because Lydia I don’t think he’s ready to hear about it. And he hasn’t even showed signs of the change. I just don’t think he has it in him.” “And how would you know that John?” “By time Greg was his age Lydia he could shift whenever he wanted and he was making a living off hunting fallen angels.” “Does our son look like he would even hurt a fly?” “ I guess you’re right John but you said yourself your changes were more sudden than Greg’s so what if he gets them any day?” “Well you don’t usually shift fully, you feel certain side effects maybe pass out once or twice from your body starting to get use to the rising temperature and by the time I’m sure he’ll let us know what’s wrong” “Then we can explain to him about it all” “I just hope he doesn’t lash out on us” “Well John I hope you are right that’s our baby. He better not get hurt from all this. You told me you know how to tame that side.” “I do, now that i’m in my 40s . my early 20s not so much.” “Oh dear John !” “Don’t worry Lydia I can help him”

Hey Audrey whats up? Hey lake last time seeing you for a WHILE you ready for college? Ready? Ready isnt even the word. I cant wait to get the hell out of this town already. zaq comes in Hell YEAH BYE BYE GOOD RIDDANCE i can’t wait to be on the beach with my beautiful babe. yes and get work done zaq college is more than just partying and hanging out. I know babe I know. So Lake , guess this a good bye good buddy. Yeah man. Im driving up to New York soon as you guys hit the road. You guys are lucky, cross country road trip before you go to school. So awesome. Man lake we always wanted to do one of these too I wish you could tag along. Me too zaq but hey audrey should be perfect company. What a hottie. Hey lake watch it just because you lost your girl dont start pushing up on mine. Yeah… Oh man too soon? sorry bro.No its cool. Im going to swing by Dallas’ house just before I hit the road anyway. Maybe I can talk her into being with me again. Man good luck with that Lake. Hey I’m out of here though. Call me when you get to your school. We will probably be somewhere on the open road. Yeah man stay in touch zaq. Hey audrey take care of zaq make sure he doesnt get kicked out of school and ending up having to come to mine. Alright ill try! bye lake! Wow zaq and audrey gone. on their way to california. why didn’t i take my talents to the pacific beach. alright im packed away time to swing over Dallas’ house. Ill call her first. “Hey Dallas you home?” “Yeah I thought you left?” “ No im leaving soon I want to swing by and get a official goodbye” Sure i mean okay ill be home.” “alright be there in 5” I finally pulled up to Dallas’ house but I wanted to avoid her parents at all cost. Hey dallas come outside im infront of your house. Dallas comes out in the hoodie I left at her house years ago. Hey i thought you were leaving earlier? I decided to wait til Zaq left with audrey I had some things to take care of anyway. How are you? Im doing the best as I can I guess. So I see the trucks all packed. Yeah i start school monday so I guess this is goodbye until I comeback to visit for thanksgiving. Yeah I guess so. Listen Dallas I don’t understand why we have to end things. I just need to know why do you want it to be over? We had all these plans and we were ready for everything. Please Lake dont put me through this. Not now lake. I cant take the hurt. I love you but it just wont work. DALLAS IM NOT LEAVING WITHOUT A EXPLANATION! Dallas’ mom comes running out the front door connor follows. Hey whats going on out here? Nothing mom. Lake was just leaving. Bye Lake. Dallas turns around without even lifting her head up and starts towards her house. Bye Lake good luck Dallas’ moms says from the front porch. Later bro connor follows up with. Bye guys. Tell Mr. Thompson I said thanks for fixing my truck too! I pull off and start towards the highway,hop on, and hit the open road. Goodbye Willow Grove.






Many of partners

In my life 

Have left marks 


On a glass case

Lessons from trials

A chance at love 





To the girl 

With dark eyes

Who spoke softly 

But laughed like

She had a jolly gut

Who told me to love myself

Cause I was worth it 

To the girl 

who held my hand

In the rain while I walked you home

Who lined my life from almost the start

To the girl

Who put a hack in my ego

Humbled me down 

Told me not to worry so much

To the girl

Who left me 

Right before my big night 

Just to show me

Never take advantage 

These lessons never fell short

They never went forgotten

To the woman 

Who taught me so much

Thank you 


Being vulnerable is like

Going through a dark hallway 

Where the walk path is very narrow 

Wandering into the woods

At midnight

Getting lost 

In an abandoned building

Seeing yourself

While not being able to move

Being vulnerable 

To someone else

I dropped the armor

The play of masculinity

The charades of toughness

It shed

Much like a snake

Real with you

You made it easy

Every word

Held onto 

With the touch of a new parent

Coddled and cared for

You cracked the code

And like a opened

Air tight sealed 

Giant package

I found a release

A sigh of ease

You meant the world

And you meant the stars

You made me comfortable

With me


When does a thing

Become something ?

All through my mind

I found you 

Never was interested 

Never ever cared 

So young

Didn’t really make sense 

But your presence 

Was sensational 

Warm glow 

Never knew it was real

But I knew it was you 





Dust storm 

A calm night

An evening for a stroll

An embrace not so subtle

Like twine in winds 

Like leaves in fall

Swept away by the elegance 

Conjured up into a thought 

Pure eyes say less


On my end how fine

What was once innocent

Seemed oh so dreadful 

Times spent 

Figuring out the motive

I blinked and woke

To a realization 

 Not so comfortable

Like water to a bee

Like salt to a slug 

A barrage of absent minded

Insecure baffle 

Turned heads down

One mistake

Too many

One mistake 


There’s no coming back 

Not for everyone…

Come on in

We’ve been driving for about 3 hours 

It’s late

The streetlights have faded away

Almost 6 miles back

A long country road

With open gaps of darkness

Then the turns 

Swallowed up by overbearing trees

The gaslight blinks 

We need to find somewhere to stop 

I look over to Leah

She’s fast asleep 

Head leaning against the door

I pull up to a diner

The only place in miles 

The lights still on

We walk up to the front door

A woman standing behind the counter

Waves us in

Said she hasn’t seen people for quite some time

A television flickered

to what it seemed was local news on playback

The date said august 3rd 

We were in June 

I paid it no mind

Coffee and some toast please

She didn’t hesitate 

Oh baby try our special 

On me 

Leah was still in the bathroom

My migraine started to intensify

The tv now flickered 

August 3rd 1996

A fire has gone ablaze

Local diner burned down

I checked my phone 

But it was dead

Here you go baby enjoy

It was Belgium waffles with blueberry and whipped cream 

With a side of peach slices 

Leah still hasn’t returned

The woman watched me take a bite

Oh honey you must be hungry

We are preparing a special meal

Don’t fret

You bought us a great gift 

Now it’s time we pay our debt

The table started to rumble 

I jumped up quick

Leah where are you 

Don’t be silly boy she’s in the back

Being prepped for the main course

What have you done ?

Oh honey don’t worry

She will make a good main dish

With a side of onion and potatoes

Now sit boy !

My body obeyed

Something came over me

My migraine turned into a blinding pain

I blinked in and out of consciousness

What felt like 20 minutes turned into hours

As she fed me and fed me

Her voice rang

It’s on the house baby…

In those eyes

Step back

For a moment 

Everything is quiet

Eyes closed shut

Tight and snug

Your breath is steady

Your mind is spiraling

Your hair on your neck

Your hair on your arms

Stand at attention

Clutching your fist

Relaxing your finger tips

A warmth starts to drown you

Rose gold beams of light

Cascade on your skin

Open your eyes…

Your fantasy has taken form

In front of you

You reach out to touch

Your hands sturdy

Your legs aren’t 

You fall to the ground


Flows through the body

Like rivers and streams

Yours fingers

Gone numb

Your mouth

Fixed open

Your nightmare has manifested

Where your fantasy once stood

You close your eyes

Pleading for that

Warmth in rays

But those eyes

Saw your last breath


You’re the perfect shade of …

Eyes glowing in the sunshine

Hands soft and playful

Moves elegant 

If I could paint you 

these brushes

Could do no justice

Finer than the best work of art

More exquisite than an aged wine

Philosophers ponder your existence

Myths conjure your presence

In a world so ugly

Filled with hate 


Most beautiful

Most intricate 

Feeling of them all

You’re the perfect shade



To the girl who I loved unconditionally…

You’re gone…

And I constantly keep your name on my mind 

I haven’t dared let is slip past my lips

There were days when I could call you

And you answered with no hesitation

Now you could read me like a book

And leave me on the shelf like you aren’t interested

The coldness has gotten harsh

Some time has passed 

Almost a year you’ve forgotten me

You moved on to someone else

Then you moved on again

Then you found someone new

But that fell apart too

I’ve watched you for years

As failed relationship after failed relationship

Hindered and scratched away at your heart

To no avail could I be the hero and save it

To no avail could I make you better 

I hope you read this and think back

To the times where you shared your secrets

Your struggle your strife 

And remember I never left your side 

I never left you hanging

I never left you 

But you left me

Maybe one day you’ll see 

That my heart was waiting for yours

To wake up and realize that Ive been here since the start

It’s cold in New York but this winter was harsh

Because you weren’t a part of mine

I love you … 

girl who doesn’t love me…

Even though 2016 was a bad year, I will remain optimistic


Dear 2017

By now I have been writing on this blog for a full year. I’m 22 now. Nothing has been more of a release than jotting down the ideas in my mind. This blog has taken so many forms. and has gone through so many changes. But since I’ve started this blog not only has the blog changed, but I have changed and so has the world around me.

Well for one, even though I am a political and social activist I have mainly kept this space exclusive for my artistic works. But I have to say it. Donald Trump is the president-elect. That’s so frightening to say but tis true. But that was just the tip to the very insane iceberg which was 2016.

I brought in the new year with friends I consider super close to me. Now I barely talk to them. When I started this blog I had a completely different job. Now I’m working a steady job I’ve been at for a year now. I was suppose to move to Florida in April but that fell through. I was just trying to figure out where my space was. I spent summer going from house to house after getting kicked out of my parents home. I worked 4 different side jobs while working one steady job. I fell in love with a girl I had a crush on since 10th grade and got my heart CRUSHED. I had many unsuccessful attempts at dating. Many missed connections. Many nights alone staring at my bedroom ceiling.

Even while falling deeper into debt. Having my phone cut off. Losing my precious Grandmother to cancer and absolutely spyraling back into a very deep depression I found time to stay connected to social movements and issues. I protested with Black Lives Matter, helped the Bernie Sanders campaign, and even (if so only briefly) for Standing Rock. These things breathe life into me and when my darkest days come I remember I’m fighting for a whole generation.

In this year it’s important for me to remember to stay positive and optimistic. I’ve let too much weigh me down and drag me to a place I never wanted to be. I will not let this happen. So here is a toast to the new year. A toast to a year full of positivity , great mental health, new experience and relationships, and to self love. I cannot wait to see where it takes me.