Dear me,

I let myself become a victim 

I let my mental illness grab a hold

Turn me into a monster of a man

Friendships lost

Relationships shattered 

I needed a scapegoat 

But I played it too well

I looked to get better

But I only got worst

I had episodes, lashed out 

I drew distances that couldn’t be traveled

Created spaces that were untouchable

It’s easy to analyze someone 

But to look inside yourself is frightening

I wish I could turn things around

I lost some great friends

Even greater companions

Because I couldn’t help but push them out

Not let them understand 

Understand I needed help

Understand I wasn’t like everyone else

Understand that I appreciated them

This isn’t a cry for help

I’m getting that help now

This isn’t a look for forgiveness 

How could you forgive a monster?

I’ve come to terms with the people I’ve lost 

But maybe 

This could be a start to something new

To a healthy life 

Both mentally and physically 

I don’t need a reset button

Because past mistakes mature you

But I do need a new sheet

To begin this next story

The story which I am the author 

I take control

I want the power back 

It’s time to love myself