Growing Up: Learning to accept your parents for who they are. 

December 28th, Winter

Now growing up we all admired our parents. They were superheros to us. They could do things we couldn’t do! Drive a car, pick up ridiculously heavy things, know answers to questions we had. But as we got older we all went through that stage. That stage of our beloved superhero turning into one of the most villainous of dictators ever. Our teen years most of us, except the lucky ones who had super chill parents, were not too keen of our parents. They didn’t let us go out, they didn’t let us see that friend that we wanted to hang out with, they didn’t let us go on that road trip. So when we finally found freedom at 18, either going away to college, moving out, or getting a job and car and not being home much we started to grow apart from them. You start to realize things once you hit this stage and especially in your early 20s. You may hate everything about your parents. Their ideologies, political views, the way they talk, world views, and other things in which you started to carve into your life to define you. This happened to me and it hit me like a WRECKING BALL. (hi miley) But anyways let me give you a brief example of this.

My mother, the woman who has always had my back since I can remember, the woman that pushed me to be the best I could be, the lady who taught me such much about being a decent and great person; I grew to start despising. It wasn’t her fault and it necessarily wasn’t mine either. When I started to grow as a person, find myself, and instill these traits to become the person I am; I was and my ideologies were starting to combat with my mother’s. One specific example is the topic of the LGBTQ community. I am a ally and I support the community 100%. My mother isn’t so keen. Shes in no way homophobic but her religious background is what keeps her at bay from the community. Also my faith, or lack there of, has been a topic of many arguments with my mother and even daily picks at each other. She constantly combats me on why I choose to be an Atheist while I could care less about her religious faith but she does try to force it on me a lot. That is one thing I can’t stand. Another example and the greatest of examples is how my mum is. She’s a very combative person in general, she likes to yell, argue, correct everything you do, says some of the worst stuff that comes to mind to make you feel bad, then turns it around on you as if you were the bad person. This has lead to many fights to the point I left my house for 2 weeks during my summer break from college.

Through this and talks with my dad I found some great information. You have to learn to accept your parents flaws because they are older and no matter how much you want them to change the likeliness of them changing as a person is slim to none. Regardless of how you feel your parents still love you to death and those superheros you knew as a child still exist (and still show up sometimes to help you out when you’re older). Even through the 4 years of rough patches with my mum we still had good times and now that I have found that clarity and accepted my mum for who she is I’ve learned to not take things too serious. She is who she is and we have such a better relationship now. The importance of a relationship with your parents is astronomical. Well to me it is. I’ve always wanted the type of parents I could tell anything and they could tell me anything. A strong family unit is important to me and to keep that you have to learn to roll with some of the punches. Love your old folks no matter what because at the end of the day they are the only parents you have. More importantly they love you unconditionally.It’s okay to disagree with your parents even a argument here or there because we are human. But if you can still say I love you at the end of the day, kiss and make up that’s all that matters. A part of growing up is accepting that some things can’t change and one of those are your creators. So love them, cherish them, and remember they tolerated your crazy ass for 18 years, maybe more, you can tolerate them for some years as well.

-Blake

Thanks for reading guys. I know I haven’t done this in a while but the “not so new” album from Silversun Pickups “Better Nature” is fucking amazing I keep it on repeat. They are easily one of my favorite bands ever. Check out my favorite song from them “Nightlight” below.

 

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Loving Yourself: How accepting who I was made me happier in life

I remember there were days where I’ve hated myself so much I’d hold a knife to my chest. In a dark bedroom sitting on the bed ready to put an end to what I hated most…myself. Those days are long passed me now and I am happy for that but learning to love yourself is a very high mountain to climb after you’ve hit rock bottom.

I don’t want to get into the specifics of my self loathing but to be clear and quick I hated my appearance and blamed that for my lack in social activities. I blamed my chubbiness and what I thought then, my ugliness, was what held me back. I felt alone. I barely had friends or anyone to hang out with. I started hating myself for being gross and ugly to the point of suicide contemplation. I just wanted a new life a new face a new body a new everything. The person I was, the one I looked at everyday in the mirror…I hated.

It took me years to learn to love myself. It wasn’t an easy journey either. I held onto relationships like life rafts. I sought approval from anyone with  a brain and I just wanted to fit in. So much so I turned into someone I didn’t want to be. I faked being happy tried playing the role of the popular kid but found myself more alone than before. It took a while for me to finally get through this. There are days where I can find myself slipping back but i’m glad I found a rock to keep me grounded and my head clear. That rock is writing. Through writing I felt this weight lifting up. The weight of wanting to be accepted, the weight of trying to impress. It was gone. I wrote to be free and through this I found love for myself. I also found a great support system. People who loved me for who I was and supported me no matter what. They made me comfortable to be in my own skin and remind me of that every day.

Learning to accept yourself is so important especially now a days where images of what is “perfect” is being thrown around and in your face 24/7. Learning to love yourself and the person you are is just as important. I never knew what it was to be happy until I accepted who I was. Things cleared up a lot for me. I started to see that I wasn’t here to impress to people around me. I  was here to like what I liked and be happy. Until you find that love and stop hating who you are you could never truly find happiness. Love yourself! Always and I promise you, even though times get hard, you will see you are tough and you can get through it.

Now at the ripe age of 21 I’ve learned to be who I am. Not only has it opened doors for me that I never thought possible but I find my days being filled with good vibes and a general amazing feeling. There are days when things can get dark again. But I’ve never been back to suicide contemplation because with loving myself came patience and understanding that where there are dark days there are many more light days ahead.

If you ever feel like you need someone to reach out to this website has a list of hotlines. There are people out there who want to listen and want to help. Take advantage. http://blog.justaskinnyboy.com/hotlines

Here is a list of some general hotlines:

Depression Hotline – 1-630-482-9696
LifeLine – 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Hotline -1-800-784-8433
Grief Support – 1-650-321-5272
Runaway – 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

New Year New You?: How to stay Motivated

It is easy to say, “New Year, New Me” but is it really? So yes we all have that pessimistic friend who posts on their social media “You mothafuckas aren’t going to change, New year new me is bullshit”. Hey that person will probably just be doing the same miserable shit they did in the year before. But let’s make it clear, New Years is a GREAT time to start a change. The only thing most people have trouble with is sticking to that plan and changing.

Now let’s be real most of us want to get that gut off of us ASAP. So we sign up for that gym membership and by MLK day we are back to being fat lazy fucks. IT’S TRUE! But just because most of us do it does not mean you can’t aspire to make that healthy change in life. The first step in changing is realization. When you realize, why you want to change, how you want to change, and what your change entails; that’s the first step of changing all together.

Change is never easy. It takes hella commitment, time, and patience. But if you are striving for something as big as living a healthier and better life or something as small as being more organized the steps you take have to come with repetition and patience.

Also staying motivated for that change is a huge deal as well. There’s nothing worst that 1 AM life changing ideas. By time you wake up that revelation has passed and you just go back to living the same way you have before. Remember write your goal down. If you really want to achieve it having it written down is a great way to stay motivated and just remembering it if it was a 1 am life changing idea.

So let the New Year be your guide to a new you. Don’t let the person who always says they want something to change in their life in the next year then never make the effort to do dictate your strive for change. And if you want some extra help check out this great article I read. It’s about staying focused on your long term goals. Give it a read. How to stay motivated for change

 

Tales of a Man: Love Lost/Found

I know you guys thought the blog was done. But it’s not. After careful consideration and a lot of feedback from close friends they told me to keep writing. They love what I write and how I write. So… I’m back. Now let me tell you a story.

There was a boy. Very naive and young. In school he chased girls and thought nothing of it. It didn’t matter the consequences. He loved the attention. Every sip of that sweet nectar of relevance he reveled in. Then he had his heart broken. His 18th birthday. The year before he went to college he felt lower than low. He couldn’t understand how the love of his life could leave him cold feet at the prom. That summer he reinvented himself. He set out a goal. In college when he went away he would be loved by all. This didn’t exactly work out. He made great friends but let his clouded vision from the heartbreak questions everyone’s real intentions. He made of mess of his first year of college. Second year rolls around. He goes in again with a new perspective. Be happy, be kind, be loving. He did just that and with that he gained a great circle of friends. Then he meet a girl. A girl from his past but was still somewhat new. He had great interest in her and always pondered what it would be like to actually talk to her. They never talked. Not much. Conversations always got cut short or they would lose time to busy life events. Then they reconnected. Formed a bond stronger than ever. This bond would spark a amazing friendship. But when he started to feel his heart being guided into her palms, she would seek someone else. He was forced to move on. But being the new person he was he didn’t leave her. He stayed. A great friend in need and whenever she needed help he was there. He watched her go from one bad relationship to the next. But always finding time for her. Then he asked her the question. “Why always them? Why not me?” She hesitated. He wasn’t great with timing but spoke his mind gloriously and articulated through every word how much he cared for her. He needed to reassure her that it would be fine. He still waits for that answer…